This Is a Life That You Can't Deny us Now
by Clockwork-and-Cameos
Summary: Rey arrived on Ahch-to to ask the legendary Luke Skywalker to train her. Instead, he sends he away because of a past she does not remember. Rejected, Rey returns to Jakku to wait for her mother to return for her. Instead, Kylo Ren arrives to collect her. He offers her the answers to her past and much more, on the condition, that she leaves with him and become his apprentice.
1. Understand the Past

**This Is a Life That You Can't Deny us Now**

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Star Wars, obviously.

 **Author Disclaimer:** This is an AU Reylo centered story with mature themes. If this upsets you, then leave. I am old and jaded enough that I do not care. Don't waste your time trying to lecture me about how you are offended, I truly do not care. The world does not revolve around you and what upsets you. Buck up and learn to avoid your triggers and other things that offend you. I have what people are calling triggers or things I do not like too. You know what I do about them? I avoid them and I don't waste my time actively seeking them out to make myself upset. That is all you can do in life, because the world does not revolve around your feelings or mine. Harassing other people over things that offend you, but has no impact on your day to day life just makes you look foolish. Seriously I don't care, don't bother me about it, get off my lawn.

I seriously loved the Kylo Ren Playlist on Spotify, some of my favorite bands are on it. The title of this story was actually taken from one of the songs on the Playlist.

 **Chapter One:**

You Can't Understand What Lays Ahead,

If You Don't Understand The Past.

A week. One week was all it took Luke Skywalker to decide Rey unworthy of being his Padawan and sending her away.

" _Go back to General Organa_ ," he had ordered.

Rey had tried to plead with him, attempted to make him see that she would be a worthy Padawan, but it did her no good. Luke Skywalker had made up his mind. He did not care to listen to her arguments of why she needed him to teach her the ways of the force. The reminders of the looming threat of the First Order had no affect, he refused to reconsider his decision. He would not even look at her when he told her to leave the place go his self exposed exile. When she thought about it, he had not looked at her since she had arrived on Ahch-to and held out his lightsaber to him with silent plea. During the week she had spent with him, he had not taught her anything about the force, but rather had briefly discussed with her a boy who had once gone by the name of Ben Solo. One that changed from a tormented young man to a monster right before here eyes.

" _He was your cousin._ " he had told her. He presented her with small pieces of information of a past life she had no memory of. These only led to more questions of that forgotten life, but in her attempt to be an obedient student she refrained from asking. One thing she was certain of, was that if Ben Solo had been her cousin as she had been told, that could only mean that Luke Skywalker himself was her father.

This made his rejection sting all the more. She attempted not to dwell on it, but when she was alone at night and attempting to fall asleep, she could not help the rage and bitterness that washed over her in waves. Gone was the island, the ocean she would imagine to quell the loneliness and lull her to sleep. In its place an anger that she tried to push away, along with familiar words that continuously echoed though her mind.

 _Don't be afraid, I feel it too._

Rey did not return to the Resistance Base to meet General Organa as Luke had instructed her to do. She could not face the woman who had not recognized her to be her niece. She could not face Poe or Finn, she was too ashamed that Luke had deemed her unworthy to train to be a Jedi. Instead she returned to Jakku to wait like she had done for so many years. When she had tried to discuss with him her life on Jakku, Luke made it clear that not only did he not leave her there, he did not even know she was there. That could only mean it was Rey's mother who had left her on the desert planet all those years ago. Her mother would return for her one day, then they could leave together and never look back.

She had gone back to the only thing she had known, scavenging to survive. She spent her days wondering through abandoned wreckage to obtain scraps for trade. She had been doing well in one particular site some time after leaving Ahch-to when the familiar hiss of a lightsaber sounded behind her. Rey whipped around to face whomever was wielding it, but with only her staff to protect her, she was at a disadvantage.

" ** _Enough_** ," ordered Kylo Ren. He held out one gloved hand and forced her still. Rey briefly wondered if she would have even had a chance against him before he had used the force to quickly immobilize her.

"You did not," he replied, his voice distorted by the synthesizer in his mask.

"Get out of my head!" she screamed. Unable to move she stared straight at him, his face concealed by the familiar mask. Rey did not need to see his face to know his lip had curled up into a smirk, somehow she just knew.

He made no acknowledgment of her demand and continued to speak, "We have important matters to discuss **Rey**." It was strange to hear him say her name, but refused to dwell on it, she would not give him the satisfaction.

"You will not obtain the map to Luke Skywalker from me," she informed him, surprised at how confident her words sounded despite the circumstances. Rey had expected him to become enraged with her refusal to comply with him. She steeled her body against the incursion that she was sure was to come, but to her astonishment he only laughed.

"Luke Skywalker has since left Ahch-to since your visit with him. Obtaining the map from you now would be a waste of time, would you not agree?"

Rey's mouth fell open, how had he obtained the information regarding the place of Luke Skywalker's seclusion? She watched him tilt his head to one side, she knew he could feel her distress. She was not sure if this was the reason he turned off his lightsaber and put it away. Rey's consideration of the action quickly passed, she had more pressing questions. If not the map, what did Kylo Ren want to discuss with her? She regained her composure and snapped her mouth shut.

"If you wish to speak to me **cousin** , you will take of your mask,"

Rey watched as he lifted his arms to remove the intimidating black and silver disguise. Without a second though he dropped it to the floor, the sound echoing throughout the wreckage.

"As you wish," his deep voice replied almost tenderly. Kyle's tone vexed her, monsters were not capable of tenderness. Before she could speak, Kylo smirked, "Cousin you say? Is that what that old Jedi fool told you, that I am your cousin? I am sorry to disappoint you Rey, although we may share many things, blood is not one."

"You're lying!" Rey screamed at him. Kylo Ren did not even flinch at her outburst, he had expected it.

"You know I'm not."

Rey did not want to admit it and she had no idea how it was possible, but she knew Kylo Ren was telling her the truth. She could somehow feel it and it frightened her. Kylo spoke again, "You can feel it because we are connected Rey, we have been for a long time."

 _Don't be afraid, I feel it too_.

"I told you to get out of my head!" she screamed even louder than before, once again he ignored her demand. Kylo stared at her as she breathed heavily, it was then she took in his whole face and noticed the long harsh scar marring his face.

"Admiring your handiwork?" Kylo asked. Rey could not explain the wave of guilt that washed over her as she examined the mark. She had no reason to feel this way, she had given him that scar mere moments after he had murdered his father in cold blood. She had done it while she was fighting for her life.

"We both know I had no intention of killing you," he scoffed.

Even if she did know this, Rey ignored his remark and asked him, "Why are you here?"

His eyes twinkled and the corners of his smirk became more prominent. "I have come back for you, just like I promised. I apologize that my return has taken longer than I intended, as you can see I have been quite busy. You were quite young when I had to leave you on this forsaken sand pit, but I can assure you that it was what was best for you at the time."

Rey could not understand what he was telling her. She had to replicate it multiple times in her head before she could comprehend what he was saying. "That's not true. You did not leave me on Jakku, my mother did. Luke Skywalker **is** my father and you're a liar!"

Her rage temporarily knocked him off balance, but not long enough where she could escape. He came over to her and put his face close to hers, so close she could feel his breath on her ear. The feeling sent shivers down from her neck, down her back. She truly hoped he did not notice the affect he was having on her.

She heard him remove one of the black gloves he wore then felt his calloused fingertips stroke her cheek. It was gentle and comforting, things she had thought him to be incapable of. A rush of calm came over her, finally Kyle spoke to her again, whispering truths she did not want to hear.

"I knew your mother Rey, you remind me of her in many ways. I am remorseful to tell you, she passed a long time ago, before I even took you to Jakku."

Tears silently fell from her eyes, Kylo used the pad of his thumb to wipe some of them away before he continued. "Luke Skywalker may be responsible for your existence, but he is not your father. And while Luke may be responsible for your existence, I am responsible for the woman you have become, down to the way you wear your hair. Simple yet functional, I was fifteen and had no idea how to style a five year old girl's hair. It came out well enough apparently for you to continue to wear it this way after all these years."

Rey listened to what he was telling her as she continued to cry, she did not know what to say. She weakly choked out, "You're lying."

Kylo inhaled a deep breath and whispered in her ear, "You know I'm not."

It was then Rey lost what little composure she had left, her tears no longer fell silently.

He was right, she knew he was not.


	2. No One Else is Coming For You

This Is a Life That You Can't Deny us Now

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Star Wars, obviously.

 **Author Disclaimer:** This is an AU Reylo centered story with mature themes. If this upsets you, then leave. I am old and jaded enough that I do not care. Don't waste your time trying to lecture me about how you are offended, I truly do not care. The world does not revolve around you and what upsets you. Buck up and learn to avoid your triggers and other things that offend you. I have what people are calling triggers or things I do not like too. You know what I do about them? I avoid them and I don't waste my time actively seeking them out to make myself upset. That is all you can do in life, because the world does not revolve around your feelings or mine. Harassing other people over things that offend you, but has no impact on your day to day life just makes you look foolish. Seriously I don't care, don't bother me about it, get off my lawn.

 **Author's Note:** I truly do appreciate constructive feedback please and thank you.

 **Chapter Two:** No One Else is Coming for You

It took some time, but Rey was eventually able to regain her composure. She felt a soft motion across her back, it made her tense up until she realized it was Kylo rubbing her back, attempting to calm her down, It was strangely comforting, having her back rubbed, even if it was Kylo Ren doing it. No one in her entire life had rubbed her back like this.

"That's not entirely true, you just do not remember. When you were younger I used to rub your back every night to help you fall asleep."

It dawned on her that the only living person who cared for her in any sort of capacity in her previous life, was the man in front of her, this monster. It terrified her, but what scared her even more, was the small part of her elated that someone had finally come for her after all these years.

"Please," she pleaded with him this time, not having the energy to make any more demands, "get out of my head."

Kylo Ren was still close enough where she felt his breath on her face when he let out a sigh, but honored her request finally. She felt the force bond slowly pull back from the edge of her mind.

"I will allow you to move, but you have to promise not to run."

Rey was aware despite her luck during their last meeting, she would not be able to overpower him again. His injuries had healed since then and she had no doubt he had continued his training where she had been unable to. She gave him a slight nod and she felt the force that had held her in place gone.

"I don't have to look inside your mind to know you have many questions for me. Go ahead and ask."

Rey did have many questions for Kylo Ren and did not know where to begin to seek answers. She started with the one that caused her the most confusion. "Why would Luke lie about you being my cousin?"

"Luke had seen our connection years ago, he could sense your connection to me now. I would not doubt he told you I was your cousin so that it would keep you away from me," Kylo replied.

"I thought Jedi did not lie, I thought there was only peace?"

Kylo let out a bitter laugh, "The Jedi lie, especially if it will bring them peace. Luke's mentor Obi-Wan lied to him about Darth Vader. That is part of the reason I cannot stand the Jedi."

Rey chose to ignore his transparent disdain for the Jedi and continued seeking answers.

"What did you mean Luke Skywalker is responsible for my existence?"

"Luke Skywalker developed intimate feelings for your mother. As you know, it is against the Jedi Code to have such an attachment. Luke sent your mother away to resist temptation. Your mother was an exceptional smuggler, when Luke sent her away she went back to the thing she knew how to do best. During one particular operation, she was captured by a Sith, Luke was unaware she had been abducted. When Luke had found out she had been taken he set forth a rescue operation. When she returned, her belly was rounder, you were growing inside her. Because Luke Skywalker is a coward, is the very reason you exist." he explained to her.

Rey listened intently to each detail he disclosed to her, but his recount of events still caused her confusion.

"Kylo that makes no sense. I do not believe you when you tell me my mother was intimate with the Sith who abducted her."

He looked at her with such sorrow it caused her breath to hitch. He whispered with such softness she almost did not hear him, "She wasn't given a choice."

Although his words were clear it took Rey a moment to fully absorb what Kylo Ren was saying to her. When his assertion finally sunk in, the weight of it brought her to her knees. She screamed and smashed her fists wildly against the ground. She was hysterical, she felt angry tears stream down her cheeks and blood dripping from her hands. She had pounded on the ground so forcefully that the skin on her hand had torn and created wounds.

Kylo witnessed her breakdown, it pained him to watch her hysteria over what he revealed to her about her mother. He had considered not telling her at all, but he had promised not to lie to her.

She continued to hit the ground with such raw force, propelled by her anger that her hands had started to bleed. If she continued on she would surely break them. Kylo intervened before she could do herself any more damage, he picked her up and placed her on his lap. She went from pounding her fists against the ground to hitting them against his chest. He grabbed both her wrists in one hand to still them and gently pushed her head against his chest, resting his head on top of hers. He allowed her to scream and cry into his robes for quite some time. Kylo knew she needed to process what he had revealed to her, using the Force to try to calm her would not do her away good.

When Rey had finally calmed herself, much of the light had dissipated from the ship they were in. She did not move from his embrace, she had no energy to do so if she had wished to. She mulled over what he had told her about her mother.

It seemed that Kylo Ren and she were not so different like she had thought, both of them were of light and dark.

No that's not entirely true, Rey thought bitterly. They there was one glaring difference between her and Kylo Ren. Ben Solo had been created through an act of love between Han and Leia, whereas Rey had been conceived through an act of violence against her mother.

Her throat was dry and tender from screaming, but she managed to hoarsely speak to him. "I have no memories of my mother, Kylo. What was she like?"

Kylo swallowed the lump in his throat and breathed in multiple shallow breaths before he responded.

"She was quite a bit like you actually. She was very beautiful, I look at you and I see how you resemble her. She did not have brown hair though like you do, her hair was a bright red, which complimented her fiery personality quite well. Your mother was strong-willed and cunning, but also warm and loving. She truly was an amazing woman, Rey," he responded.

"She must have despised me."

"On the contrary, there was nothing nor no one in the entire Galaxy that she loved more than she loved you," Kylo proclaimed and Rey knew that he meant what he was telling her,

"Did she name me Rey?"

"No, Rey is not the name your mother gave you at the time of your birth," he admitted.

"What name did she give me?"

Rey needed to know what the name her mother had given her. She needed to know who she truly was.

"I will tell you the name you were given when you were born, but I will not do it here. If you wish to learn more about your past then you will come with me," Kylo declared.

She felt herself become very angry at him for giving her such an ultimatum. He had left her on Jakku years ago with no memories to fend for herself, now he refused to give her the answers she deserved unless she left with him. He was truly was a despicable human being.

"No one else is coming for you. I did not leave you here because I thought you deserved a life living as scavenger scum, I left you here because it was what was best at the time. I had no intention of letting you live your entire life on Jakku, You are better than this and mean for so much more. What is your choice, Rey?"

Rey roughly chewed her cracked lip and considered her options. She could stay on Jakku and live out her life as a worthless scavenger, isolated and lonely. She could leave with Kylo Ren, a man she had witnessed commit such villainous acts that it brought bumps to her skin. He would tell her everything she wanted to know though and he could teach her the ways of the force.

After much consideration she had finally made her decision, she informed him of her choice before she could reconsider.

"I will come with you."


	3. New Beginnings

**This Is a Life That You Can't Deny us Now**

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Star Wars, obviously.

 **Author Disclaimer:** This is an AU Reylo centered story with mature themes. If this upsets you, then leave. I am old and jaded enough that I do not care. Don't waste your time trying to lecture me about how you are offended, I truly do not care. The world does not revolve around you and what upsets you. Buck up and learn to avoid your triggers and other things that offend you. I have what people are calling triggers or things I do not like too. You know what I do about them? I avoid them and I don't waste my time actively seeking them out to make myself upset. That is all you can do in life, because the world does not revolve around your feelings or mine. Harassing other people over things that offend you, but has no impact on your day to day life just makes you look foolish. Seriously I don't care, don't bother me about it, get off my lawn.

 **Author's Note:** I truly do appreciate constructive feedback please and thank you. To all the people who have given me feedback already, I truly do appreciate it. I love conversing with all of you and please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or want to talk. I also do not have a beta reader so I have gone back later on and have found mistakes despite checking it numerous times and using an only grammar check. If anyone who has the time to do it wants to check my work for me please let me know, it will be greatly appreciated.

 **Chapter Three:** New Beginnings

Kylo Ren kept his face stoic, but he felt relief flood through him when Rey had agreed to leave Jakku with him. His plan to tell her the answers she had been seeking for so many years, just enough to convince her to come with him to learn more had gone accordingly. He knew that it would be easier for both of them if she had made the choice to leave with him, even though when Kylo arrived on Jakku, he had no intention of leaving without her, no matter what she had decided.

Rey had trouble with her footing as they stood to leave the wreckage, Kylo held her forearms until she regained her balance. She could not remember the last time she felt so drained and weak, even when she had not eaten for days. This was different, her mind and body were exhausted, they wanted to give out on her.

Suddenly, Rey could no longer feel the ground beneath her feet. She felt herself being lifted off the ground by two strong arms, one beneath her knees and the other her back.

"Put me down," Rey ordered. She didn't need his help, she didn't need anyone's help.

He ignored her, he picked up her staff and his helmet and continued to carry her from the wreckage site. He could not help the slight chuckle that escaped his lips as she meekly used her small fists to wail against his chest. Her efforts increased slightly after she heard him laugh at her.

"Calm down. We are almost to my ship, I will put you down then," he informed her, her ministrations against him halted.

"Why are we going to your ship?"

"If you cannot recall the conversation that transpired between us just a moment ago, let me remind you. You agreed to leave this forsaken sand pit with me, we are going to use my ship to leave said forsaken sand pit."

"We have to go to my AT-AT before we leave!" Rey exclaimed.

Kylo knew what she was talking about, the pitiful abandoned AT-AT she had been living in and calling home for all these years. He had seen it briefly the last time he had entered her mind through their force bond. He had felt the rejection and loneliness she had felt, the bitterness towards his Uncle. Kylo kept reminding her that he felt it too, but she had believed it to be a memory. She had not recognized the bond between them yet, but soon she would be fully aware.

"Why in all the galaxy, would we need to go there?" he questioned.

"I have to get my belongings before we go!"

Kylo Ren stopped in his tracks at her response, she used this opportunity to pry herself from his arms. She landed clumsily in front of him, pain radiating through her chest and limbs despite the slight cushioning the sand provided her. She had temporarily forgotten how tall he was and how far had her lifted from the ground. He pulled her to her feet, but she pulled away from him when he tried to lift her up again, he let it go and silently cursed her stubbornness.

"You have things you wish to keep from here?" Kylo Ren asked her incredulously.

"Yes, I do! Now let's go!"

Kylo Ren had miserably trudged through the sand of Jakku to the AT-AT she had occupied all these years. She had refused to get on the ship to go to it, not trusting him to take her there like he promised. Instead, she had made them walk through the disgusting sand. He had briefly considered using the force to knock her out like he had done before but remembered that it would complicate his plans if he did.

He had gone inside with her, it was horribly small and he felt claustrophobic, he needed to see what she was planning on taking with her.

Rey took the scarf she had used for so long to keep sand from her mouth and tied it into a makeshift sack. She felt Kylo Ren's eyes on her as she quickly moved around to collect various items she intended to take with her. It was only a few things, one was a sparkling stone she had found while scavenging, her staff, and the most important was an object she had since she arrived on Jakku. She went to the shelf she normally kept it, but it was not there. She turned to her makeshift bed to see if she had left it there, to find Kylo Ren sitting there, holding said object in his gloved hands.

"I am surprised you have this," he lamented, touching the faded features of the homemade resistance doll.

Rey snatched it from his hands and cradled it to her chest, "I do not hate them like you do."

"That's not what I meant," he said. "I mean, I am surprised you still have that doll after all these years."

"What do you mean?"

"I made this for you when you were about two if I recall correctly. Luke Skywalker did not understand children, especially that a two-year-old needs toys to play with" he explained.

Rey's eyes widened in astonishment. The very doll she had held so many nights, that absorbed so many tears while she cried from loneliness, was made for her by Kylo Ren.

"Are you finished or do you have any more…knick knacks to collect?"

Rey pushed the doll into the makeshift sack, she turned and eyed the Resistance pilot helmet, but knew theres was no way she would be able to take that on a First Order ship. She was pushing it already by bringing the doll, she would just have to let this one go,

She turned to Kylo Ren and looked into his eyes, she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and responded, "I'm ready."

Kylo Ren's lips turned up into a devilish grin, "Let's go then."

They left the AT-AT behind, for the very last time Rey realized and followed Kylo Ren back to his ship. He felt that anger and annoyance permeating from him again, he was again displeased he had to trudge through the sand. Rey wanted to make a quip but decided against it. She knew she had to pick and choose when to poke the beast, and this was not the time.

They finally reached the ship, Kylo opened the door and waved his hand to motion her to go inside. She walked onto the ship and took in her surroundings, she had to admit the ship itself was quite fantastic.

Time to poke the beast, she thought. She sat down in the pilot chair, Kylo Ren came over to where she was sitting and looked down at her and placed his hands on his hips. She looked up at him with amusement, his helmet was on but she could tell he was sulking underneath it.

"Out," he ordered. "I'm flying the ship."

"Oh are you?" she questioned innocently.

She watched as his chest rose and fell in a huff, it took all her will not to laugh at his petulance.

"I am the Master and you are my apprentice. I am the one who will be flying the ship!" he snapped.

Rey held up her hands in mock defeat and moved from the seat when her back was to him she smirked.

"I know you find this amusing," he huffed. "But as my apprentice, you must listen and follow orders."

Rey was certain at his point that neither one of them would make it through her training, she would surely laugh at him and he would in turn, throw a tantrum

She sat herself in another seat and strapped herself in. She watched him wordlessly as his navigated through the Galaxy. She was so lost in her thoughts she had not realized they had arrived at the First Order base.

Kylo Ren rose from his seat and made his way over to Rey, he stood in front of her and held out his gloved hand for her to take.

"Come," he said.

Rey took a deep breath, she unlatched herself from the seat and placed her hand in his, allowing him to help her from the seat. He opened the door and they walked out of the ship together onto the platform. He led her along, leading her through different halls, all the while people turned to stare at them as they passed.

Kylo Ren paid them no mind as he passed, finally they stopped in front of a door. The door swished open and he pulled her inside the room. The room were living quarters, Kylo Ren's if she had to wager a guess.

The room was large and elegantly decorated in black, silver, and red tones. There was a bed and couch, both black in color. In the corner was a silver table to with two chairs which matched the wall. Towards the far end of the room was another door, before she could ask what was in there, Kylo Ren spoke.

"These are my quarters, you will be staying here with me. Through that door is the fresher, you are welcome to go use it. Actually, I insist you do."

She had been so absorbed with the room she had not realized until he spoke that he had removed his helmet, she turned towards him and raised an eyebrow.

"The desert has not been kind to your smell. You should go use the fresher, I will have food delivered to use and new clothing will be ready for you."

"So tactful," Rey quipped, he gave her a slight shrug of his shoulders.

She made her way over to the fresher, dropping her belongings gracelessly on the couch as she walked by it. She had Kylo Ren give an annoyed sigh but otherwise said nothing.

Rey took her time cleaning up, she thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of the fresh clean water on her skin. She used soap she had found to clean herself of the grime and sand from Jakku. She would not admit it to him, but she did smell better now after cleaning herself. When she was finished she used a long clean cloth to clean dry herself, then wrapped it around her body to exit the fresher.

She peaked her head out of the fresher and looked into the main room. Kylo Ren was nowhere to be seen so she exited the fresher and started to look around the room to located the clean clothing he had promised her.

She missed it the first couple times she looked, but then spotted the neatly folded black clothing on his black bed spread. She removed the cloth from her body and used it to wrap her hair, she then proceeded to dress in the clothing. There was a black sleeveless tunic and black fitted pants, both of which fit her body perfectly, almost as if it was made for her.

She heard the familiar swish of the door, a droid entered carrying a tray of food. It went over to the table and placed the tray down and left without acknowledging her. After it had left Kylo Ren walked back through and closed the door behind him, his gaze traveled the length of her entire body, taking her in.

"The new clothing suits you, it looks good on you," he commented.

"It's very….colorful," she quipped.

Kylo Ren shrugged his shoulders and removed his helmet, placing it on a small stand by the room's entrance. He walked over to where she stood, but remained silent as he stood in front of her.

"You must have been pretty confident I would come with you. These clothes fit me too well for it to be a coincidence," she said.

Kylo Ren smirked down at her and replied, "You were going to come with me Rey, make no mistake about that."

Her nostrils flared and she felt her cheeks flush in anger. She never had a choice like he led her to believe, if she had not gone with him willingly he was going to force her.

"Now, now Rey. Does it really matter now? You did choose of your own free will come with me and now here we are."

He took her hand, but she quickly snatched it back. He let out an annoyed sigh, similar to the one from earlier when she dropped her belongings on his furniture.

"You're hungry," he told her. He wasn't wrong, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to give him the satisfaction of agreeing. She turned her nose up to him and turned to face away from him.

"Rey," he said in a singsong tone, "Your training will go a lot smoother if you are well fed and well rested."

It was her turn to sigh in annoyance, she walked over to the table and pulled out a chair, purposely scraping it along the metal floor. She looked over to Kylo Ren to see what he would do. His face contorted slightly, she could see he was vexed by her action. He said nothing, he walked over and sat in the chair opposite hers.

Kylo Ren forgot his food and watched as Rey ate hers, he had never quite see anything like it, not outside of a cantina anyways. She used her hands and quickly shoved different foods into her mouth, he wasn't even sure she was chewing it before swallowing it. She washed it down with juice, gulping it down loudly, making a noise that was causing his eye to slightly twitch.

When she was finished she used the back of her hand to wipe her mouth, then wiped that on her pants, that were clean and pressed before now. She looked up and realized he was staring at her while she ate.

She glared at him and spat, "What?"

He didn't break from her stare, just slowly shook his head and replied, "Nothing."

She continued to glare, then looked down to his plate and back up to his face. "You're not going to eat that?"

Kylo Ren pushed his plate of food and container of juice towards her. She did not hesitate to take it, she began to savagely eat the various meats, vegetables, and berries as he continued to ogle her. He couldn't fault her behavior, in the last fifteen years, she has never had enough food to eat. If Unkar Plutt had not been dead, he would have decapitated him with his lightsaber. He had taken advantage of the situation, calling his bluff when he had ordered him to look out for her. She was strong despite that, but could definitely use some extra meals to help build her strength.

"Where should I put these?" she asked, referring to the dirtied dishes.

"Just leave them. You must be exhausted, why don't you get some rest," he told her and motioned towards the bed.

Her cheeks flushed unwillingly and Kylo Ren saw, he smirked at her discomfort.

"Unless you have other things you would like to do. I certainly don't mind," he drolled.

Rey haughtily stood up and made her way over to the bed, ignoring his insinuation altogether. She pressed her hand onto the bed and felt how soft it was. She was never able to sleep on anything so comfortable after sleeping on the ground for so long. The ground in this room was cold metal though, she wondered if the couch would be her best option.

She removed the cloth from her head, having forgotten it was still there while she ate. She used her fingers to comb out her hair, it fell in loose waves past her shoulders. She gasped when she felt larger fingers combing through her hair, she went to turn, but he held her in place.

"You don't need to put your hair in those silly buns anymore," he told her.

She whispered embarrassed, "I don't know how else to do it."

"Sit," he commanded. "I'll do it."

Rey peaked over her shoulder and gave him a skeptical look, but he just pushed on her shoulders slightly. She complied and sat down on the bed, he sat behind her and continued to use his fingers to comb through her hair. It was strangely relaxing, but also electrifying in a way she could not explain.

"You can speak freely, I am listening," Kylo Ren said, breaking her from her reverie.

"Why did you leave me on Jakku," she asked hesitantly.

Kylo Ren let out a defeated sigh, "You are aware the Knights of Ren had a mission to rid the galaxy of all the Jedi?"

Rey nodded and he continued to speak.

"Well, we did just that, almost anyways. You were there that night, you had hid under your bed while it was happening."

"While you murdered all those Padawans, she replied, she felt him tense.

"If that's how you wish to phrase it. While the rest of the knights took care of the children, I was able to slip away and find you. You were terrified, but when I removed my mask and you realized it was me, you came with me willingly. I wasn't going to kill you Rey, you were not going to die that night," he explained.

His explanation led to more confusion.

"What I can't understand, is why you didn't kill me when you killed the others."

"Because you were the only one who didn't look at me like I was a monster."

How things have changed between them, there was a point where she looked at him with admiration while others viewed him to be a monster. Now she probably looks at him the same way they used to, she briefly wondered how that must feel to him.

"It tears me apart," he whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear.

She did not admonish him for looking into her mind without permission, she continued to seek answers instead.

"Why leave me on Jakku?' she asked.

"I could not take you with me, not at the time. I was still training and you were too young. I left you on Jakku because I knew no one would look for you there," he responded.

Rey wonders if it had mattered where he had left her, no one had come looking for her anyways. She felt his fingers stop combing her hair, he began to divide and twist it in what felt like might be a braid.

"What is the name my mother gave me?" she questioned. She needed to know, she had to know who she was.

"Your mother named you Kira," he told her.

She scrunched up her nose. Kira, her name was Kira. That was not a name she had been expecting.

"Where did Rey come from?"

"When you were learning to talk, you could not say your own name. It completely skipped the first part and the second part came out as Rey instead of Ra. I started calling you that despite Luke's objections and it stuck," he clarified.

"You were there through all of this, you have all my memories."

"I was there the day you were born. It was snowing out and your mother was in labor for hours with you. I was weary of meeting you, your mother used to let me put my hand on her stomach and feel you kick despite Luke's protests," he revealed.

Rey closed her eyes and attempted to force her way into his mind, to her surprise he let her. She saw the scene play out in his head as he explained it to her.

"Finally, you came and Luke placed you into a blanket and into your mother arms. She looked down at you, exhausted but happy. I stood in the doorway and watched her trace your face with her finger. Without looking up, she said, 'I know you're there Ben, you can come see her.'"

Rey saw this in vivid detail everything he was saying, her mother covered in sweat for the exertion from delivering her, her red hair matted to her face. She saw Ben warily standing in the doorway, his face half hidden, watching her mother hold her for the first time.

"I finally gathered enough courage to enter the room and walked over to the bed. I looked down at you and you looked up at me with your hazel eyes. Your mother placed you into my arms without warning, I almost dropped you I was so shocked."

Rey could see, when he had almost dropped her she cried a bit, but once had had regained his hold on her, she had settled again. She saw as he held her close to him, and smiled down at her.

 _"Ben, she has nobody. She just has me in this world and that is not enough. Can I trust you Ben?" her mother asked the young raven haired boy._

 _Ben looked up at her slightly confused, "Trust me with what?"_

 _Her mother smiled at him, "To help me take care of her of course. You have a good heart Ben and I can see how much you love her. Promise me, promise me you will look after her, " her mother pled._

 _Ben's face became serious and he responded, "I promise."_

 _Her mother smiled at him and leaned over and kissed his forehead. Ben looked up at her and asked her a question._

 _"What's her name?"_

 _Her mother's smile widened and she replied, "Her name is Kira, Ben. She will have my last name so her name is Kira Kenobi."_


	4. Truths are Revealed

This Is a Life That You Can't Deny Us Now

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Star Wars, obviously.

 **Author Disclaimer:** This is an AU Reylo centered story with mature themes.

 **Author's Note:** I truly do appreciate constructive feedback please and thank you. To all the people who have given me feedback already, I truly do appreciate it. I love conversing with all of you and please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or want to talk.

 **Chapter Four:** Truths are Revealed

Rey's breath caught, the memory Kylo had just shared with her was practically suffocating her. She is a Kenobi? Her true name was Kira Kenobi. How was this even possible? The only Kenobi she knew of was the one of the old legends whispered among the inhabitants of Jakku. Legends she had thought to be just stories until her run in with Finn at the Niima Outpost, where he informed her that the droid she had rescued from the Teedo contained a map that led to the whereabouts of the Luke Skywalker.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi was your grandfather, Rey."

"How is that possible?"

Nothing in the old stories had ever mentioned Obi-Wan having any children. Kylo Ren was leading her further down a path with each answer he provided her.

"There were many years between when your grandfather betrayed mine and when he met Luke. During that time, he sired a child with a woman who happens to have a remarkable resemblance to my own grandmother. That child was your mother, Mara Jade," Kylo answered.

Rey did not miss the contempt in Kylo's voice when he spoke of their grandfathers. He despised Obi-Wan Kenobi, that was evident in his tone. A thought entered Rey's mind, a thought that made her breath catch and her body stiffen at his touch. Kylo took notice of the sudden changes, how uncomfortable she became.

 _Had she been foolish enough to hand herself over to a man who planned to harm her, to avenge perceived transgressions committed by her grandfather against his own?_

Kylo Ren grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around to face him, it was so sudden that Rey did not react until his nose was touching hers.

"I would never hurt you," Kylo raged.

He was furious at her, for thinking even for a moment that he would hurt her. But he was hurting her, his fingers were pressed deeply into the flesh of her arms, squeezing painfully. She would surely have marks from his hands where he was holding her.

His grip on her arms loosened and his face softened, but he did not release her. He held her steady, facing him and hissed, "You being here with me is not to harm you."

Rey was able to regain her bearings and countered, "Then why am I here, Kylo? Why did you bring me here after all this time? I know it's not only to teach me. I know it is not because of a long forgotten promise. So why?"

Kylo Ren inhaled a ragged breath, his nostrils flared and his hands tightened on her arms again. His face came even closer to hers, his lips were so close to hers that she could feel his words, the desperation in them, as he spoke them.

"Can't you see, Rey? You are supposed to be with me! It was our destiny that we find each other, that we be together! A destiny that exceeds back to our grandfathers. Everything that has taken place from then has happened so that we could be together, to be powerful together!"

Rey's mouth parted slightly, his confession stunning her. She needed to respond him, but her mind could not form anything coherent to say. She felt one of his hands let go of her shoulder and gently slide up her neck until it cupped the side of her face. She bit her bottom lip to contain the mew of contentment from passing, but her eyelids betrayed her and fluttered shut. She felt him move even closer, his body melding into hers, almost too perfectly despite their vast difference in size. He let out a sigh and she gasped, his lips were practically touching hers he was so close. If either of them moved their heads ever so slightly, their mouths would connect.

Rey didn't move, she stayed perfectly still except for her shallow breathing. Her heart was beating so violently in her chest that Kylo had to have felt it. She remained still, she would let him make the next move.

She felt Kylo's other hand trail up her neck like his other hand had and rest his long fingers along her cheek. His thumb brushed softly against her lower lip, her body involuntarily shuttering at the touch.

Rey thought about how large his hands were, they practically enveloped her entire face. For how large and calloused they were, his hands were so gentle on her skin. Rey wondered briefly how hands that committed such cruel and unfathomable acts could be so gentle to her.

The memory of Kylo Ren using his hands, the ones that were currently delicately cupping her face, to grasp his lightsaber, violently shoving it into Han Solo appeared.

 ** _Han Solo!_**

Rey heard herself scream, when she opened her eyes, Kylo Ren was no longer in front of her. Instead, he laid in a heap on the floor on the opposite side of the room. She must have used the force to push him away without even realizing it.

Rey watched as Kylo Ren pushed himself off the floor. His back was to her when he stood, but she could feel the anger rolling off of him. His body was tight and his fists clenched tightly at his side. He let out an enraged yell before he proceeded to violently start tearing the room apart.

There it was, the rage, the hatred and fury that was Kylo Ren. As strong as Rey was, how brave, she still had the survival instincts to hide from a larger and angrier predator. She sunk the floor and crawled over to the bed, sliding herself under it.

Objects flew around her, some from Kylo Ren using his hands to throw them, others from him using the force. Rey was terrified, she could only see so much of what was happening from her hiding place. She could hear it, though, the sounds of objects breaking, his animalistic yells.

Then suddenly, it stopped. The room was quiet and still, the only thing Rey could hear were her short breaths that she was trying to keep as silent as possible. She could not see Kylo's face, but knew he had not calmed down. She could still feel his anger through their bond, she wondered if he could feel her terror.

Rey saw him slowly start to walk towards the bed, the sound of each step he made with his heavy black boots echoed throughout the room. Each step caused her to panic more, she was trapped and could not flee.

Abruptly the scene changed, she was transported somewhere else, just like when she had placed her hand on Luke Skywalker's lightsaber the first time. She was still under a bed, but in a different room. She saw next to her, a young girl lying on her stomach, her body trembling and shaking as she cried. The girl, age five or so, was staring at the entrance of the room. She could see the girl was trying to be quiet, but her small cries could be heard. Rey could hear the sound of children screaming in the distance, the sounds of thumps hitting the floor.

Someone entered the room, the girl started to hyperventilate. Rey watched as someone with large black boots walked slowly into the room and towards the bed. The sounds of the footsteps echoed throughout the room, the floor creaked with each heavy step that fell. The footsteps stopped and whoever was in the room with them was standing directly in front of them. Rey heard the girl let out a small cry before placing her tiny hand over her mouth. She expected whoever was in the room with them to bend down and look under the bed, the person must have heard the cry.

Rey felt a warm wetness against the side of her arm. She looked over to see a pool of liquid on the floor next to them leading to the girl. The girl was so frightened that she had wet herself.

The black boots started to move away from the bed, the girl let out a tiny sigh before being dragged out from under the bed, a large black gloved hand clutching her ankle. The girl screamed and desperately clawed at the floor as she was pulled.

Rey cried out and reached to grab the girl's hand, but she screamed as she felt a hand wrap around her own ankle and start to forcibly drag her from under the bed as well.

The scene changed back, Rey was no longer in the dark room under the bed with the girl. Instead, she was back in Kylo Ren's room, face to face with him as he had just pulled her from underneath his bed.

Rey gasped for air, her body covered in sweat as she lay on the floor, trying to regain control over herself. She made no move to fight as Kylo picked her up and laid her on the bed.

He was being more gentle with her than she had expected, but she could see he was still upset. Had he seen what she had? Had he calmed down slightly because she was so terrified?

Kylo Ren hovered over her, his jaw clenched and his eyes wild. This was all her fault, she was such a fool. How could she have been so naive to willingly leave with this monster, she should have stayed on Jakku when she was given the choice.

He let out a cruel laugh and sneered, "Did you honestly believe I would have allowed you to remain on Jakku?"

Rey's cheeks flushed at his implication, if she had not come willingly with him he would have taken her anyway. How could she believe that someone who had been so cruel enough to murder his own father would have allowed her a choice of whether to go with him or not.

Kylo Ren's bared his teeth at her and snarled, "You…you and your love for Han Solo! You should not have love for him, you should have love for me! You barely even knew him and yet you prefer him to me!"

In the short time, she had been acquainted with Han Solo, she had come to adore him like a daughter would a father. She could not understand why Kylo Ren hated his father so much, but could see that hatred was intensified by her adoration for him.

"I'm the one who knows you, not him! He was weak and foolish and yet you wish you were with him instead of me! I have everything to offer you and yet you refuse me because of your love for him!"

Rey watched as Kylo pulled at his locks of her violently, as he took in deep and angry breaths. His chest heaved with each intake, she was unsure if he was trying to keep himself from lashing out at her.

He looked down at her, his face was more controlled, but his eyes were still wild with rage.

"We start your training tomorrow. Go to sleep," he ordered. Rey had no time to protest has everything blackened around her.


	5. Nightmares and Memories

**This Is a Life That You Can't Deny Us Now**

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Star Wars, obviously.

 **Author Disclaimer:** This is an AU Reylo centered story with mature themes.

 **Author's Note:** I truly do appreciate constructive feedback please and thank you. To all the people who have given me feedback already, I truly do appreciate it. I love conversing with all of you, so please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or want to talk.

 **Chapter Five:** Nightmares and Memories

Rey knew she was dreaming, she could feel it. She was sitting at a table with Luke Skywalker, he ignored her as she pushed the food around on her plate.

"Eat," Luke ordered, not even looking at her.

Rey had no control, her lips moved against her will and she spoke to Luke, "Where's Ben?"

It was not her voice that came out, it was much higher and younger. She looked down and saw that her hands were much smaller than usual, her feet did not touch the floor. When she looked back at Luke, she realized he was much taller than her even sitting.

"Ben is not here Kira, now eat," Luke responded.

"No, I want Ben!" she screamed.

She felt her tiny hand slam against the table, Luke's jaw clenched, he was trying to contain his emotions like the true Jedi he was, but it was difficult. She remembered that she and Luke frequently clashed, he had no patience for her at all.

"Ben left, Kira and he's not coming back."

"You're lying! Ben loves me, he wouldn't leave me forever! He loves me and he promised he would always come back for me!" she screamed.

Rey saw Luke's nostrils flare, he turned to her and in a tight voice spoke, "Kira, you need to go to your room and work on your meditation. You have no control over your emotions, you may return when you have found peace."

Rey jumped down from the chair and stomped to a room that was slightly familiar to her. She was not in control over her movements and this scared her. She could see, hear, feel, even smell everything, but she could not control what was happening.

She flopped face down onto the bed and beat her tiny fists against it, screaming into the blanket. Hot tears streamed down her face, she cried because she missed Ben. Because she missed her mother. Because she hated being There with Luke.

Rey cried for some time, the sun set and her room darkened before she finally calmed down. She continued to lay face down on her bed, thinking of Ben, wishing he were there with her.

A scream caught her attention, she lifted her head from the bed and looked towards the entryway of her room, she saw a large figure cloaked in black garments move past it. Rey jumped at the sight but was able to hold back the scream she wanted to release. She got onto the floor and crawled under the bed and continued to watch the doorway.

She began to cry again as she heard the screams of the other padawans echoed throughout. She was terrified, she wanted to move, wanted to help, but was frozen in place by fear. Rey gasped as she saw a figured enter the room with large black boots.

Rey tried to keep quiet, she was hyperventilating and small cries escaped from her mouth. She watched as the boots walked slowly into the room, each step made a loud sound and made the floor creak. The figure was coming closer to the bed, Rey's heart thumped wildly, whoever was in the room with her stopped in front of the bed.

Rey involuntarily let out a small cry, she placed her hand over her mouth, trying desperately to keep herself from making any more noise. She had never been so scared, she lost control of her body and wet herself.

The figure walked away from the bed and Rey let out a small sigh of relief. Suddenly, Rey felt something grab her ankle and start to forcefully pull her from under the bed. She screamed and tried to claw at the floor to keep from being taken.

It was to no avail, whoever was pulling her was much stronger, Rey was pulled from her hiding place and picked up. She fought against whoever was holding, they placed a hand over her mouth and muffled her screams.

A familiar voice started shushing in her ear, rocking her as she stopped fighting.

 **Ben**

He set her down so she was standing and crouched down so he was face to face with her. His dark hair was longer since she had last seen him, she reached her tiny hand out and ran her fingers through it. He gave her an affectionate smile and reached up to stroke the back of his fingers against her cheek. Rey couldn't hold back, she threw her arms around him and pushed her face into his neck and began to sob.

"Master Luke said you were never coming back!"

"Aw Rey, you know that's not true. I'm here right now aren't I?" he soothed.

He was there. Ben had told her many times before he left that Master Luke was a liar, he had been right.

"Don't leave me, please. I'm so scared! I'm so alone, I miss you so much. I love you, you can't leave me!" she cried.

She felt him rubbing her back, trying to calm her down.

"I'm not going to leave you here. I'm going to take you someplace far away from here, to keep you safe. Then when I know things are safe, I will come back for you," he told her.

"You promise?" she whispered.

"I promise, but right now I need to grab some of your belongings so we can go," he told her.

"Ben, I was scared….and I…. I had an accident."

"I know. It's okay, we will clean you up and get you changed on the ship, but we have to get going," he responded.

"What…what about the other padawans?"

Ben shook his head and replied, "It's just us now."

The dream disappeared and Rey shot up, gasping for air. It had been so real, everything about it.

"That's because it wasn't just a dream, it was a memory," a smooth voice said to her.

She jumped at the sound, not expecting it. The room was dark and she wondered how long she had been asleep for. She scanned the room and could see that Kylo Ren had cleaned up the mess he had made. She continued to look around the room when she was finally able to make him out, he was awkwardly splayed out on the couch, his eyes shut even though he was awake.

"That actually happened," she stated, but he could hear the uncertainty in her voice.

"Yes, that actually happened, Rey," he confirmed.

"You and the Knights murdered all those children."

"We did what was necessary. You already know why I spared you," he replied.

Rey swallowed and continued, "I was so scared."

"I know. I saw that same fear today, I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry I caused you to feel such fear," he told her.

Rey knew he meant it, she could feel the sincerity of his words. She wanted to scold him for scaring her, both for when she was a child and today. She wanted to yell at him for using the force to knock her out again, but she didn't. Her next words surprised both herself and Kylo Ren.

"I used to love you so much."

Kylo Ren's eyes flew open at the admission, he pushed himself off the couch and came over to sit beside her on the bed.

He turned to her and said, "Can you see now, why it tears me apart that you hate me so much now?"

Rey let out a bitter laugh, "I wish I could tell you that I hate you, but I don't. I can't even lie and say I do in order to hurt you. Even with all the horrible things you have done, I can't hate you and I don't know why."

Kylo Ren inhaled a sharp breath, he placed his hand over hers, but then thought better of it, but before he could pull it away Rey grabbed it.

Even though she would not admit it, Rey found his presence comforting and did not want him to leave. She was still shaken from the dream, from the memory she had just relived. It was too much for her, too real, the anger for Luke Skywalker, the heartache over missing the boy names Ben, the terror she experienced while the padawans were being slaughtered.

The relief she felt when she realized it was Ben who had pulled her out from under the bed. The comfort as he held her as he cried and made promises not to leave her there with Luke.

Before she could stop herself, Rey pushed herself closer to Kylo and laid her head on his shoulder. Kylo stiffened at the unexpected physical contact that Rey was voluntarily offering. He soon relaxed and placed his arm around her shoulders, stroking her hair that had become damp with sweat after reliving such a terrible memory.

Rey was content, more at peace than she could ever recall feeling. A calmness had come over her that she had never truly felt during her many years on Jakku. She had no idea how long they were sitting in that position on his bed, with her head on his shoulder and him gently running his fingers through her hair. She had closed her eyes, her mind somewhere between being awake and asleep when he spoke.

"You should try to get some more rest," he told her.

Rey lifted her head off of his shoulder and looked up at him, he was looking down at her with a tenderness that made Rey's chest tighten. It was similar to the look Ben had given her as a child as he comforted her, but she wasn't a child anymore and neither was he. His feelings for her had evolved into something more and if she was truly being honest with herself, her feelings for him had changed as well.

She couldn't help herself, she reached up and lightly pressed her lips against his. The kiss was soft and chaste, neither of them moved to deepen it. She felt a spark, though, one that traveled from her lips, down her back, and to her toes. She knew he felt it too, knew he was restraining himself from going further.

Rey pulled away, opened her eyes and looked up at Kylo's face. His eyes were still closed, but his tongue had darted out of his mouth and was licking his lips. He opened his eyes and looked down at her, his desire for her clearly evident on his face.

Kylo leaned down, intent on kissing her again. He let his guard down, his thought came rushing to Rey. Images of them kissing, their skin bare, tangled up in his sheets flashed through her mind. Rey gasped and turned her head before his lips could touch hers, instead, they landed on her cheek.

Both of them were still, his lips still on her flushed cheek. She expected him to become angry with her, but instead she felt him smirk against her skin.

He dragged his lips over to her ear and whispered, "it's okay Rey…we will play it your way, for now."

Rey was shocked and did not respond. She felt the bed shift as Kylo stood up and went to walk back over to the couch.

"Kylo wait," Rey called to him. He stopped walking and turned back to her, waiting for her to continue.

Rey swallowed and bit her bottom lip, "Stay with me…please."

Kylo did not ask her to elaborate, he already knew what she meant. He walked back over to the bed and settled himself into the covers next to her. For some time, they laid there, perfectly still and silent. He kept his space from her, cautious not to make her feel uncomfortable.

She decided that she would break the awkwardness between them. Rey grabbed his arm and wrapped it around her then turned to her side. She pushed her back into his chest and settled into him. He responded by pulling her closer to him and burying his face into her neck, breathing in the sweet smell of her skin.

Rey started to drift off to sleep, feeling serene and safe in the arms of the leader of the Knights of Ren. She had no more nightmares that night but did dream of forgotten memories.

She was back in the room she had dreamed of before, a girl no older than four was crying in the bed as a boy, around the age of fifteen ran his fingers through her long brown hair.

"Ben, stay with me…please," she cried.

The boy looked down, uneasy, "Master Luke says I shouldn't…"

The girl grabbed at his tunic looking up at him with desperate hazel eyes, "I don't care! Please, Ben! You have to stay with me, you can't leave!"

The boy nodded and pushed her over, climbing into the bed with her. He wrapped his arms around her and she snuggled up to him. His frame engulfed hers, like Kylo's frame, did with her own.

"What nightmare did you have, this time, Rey?" Ben asked.

"A man spoke to me, Ben. He was so much bigger than me, he was bigger than the whole school," she cried.

"That's not possible, Rey," he assured he.

She ignored him and continued, "He…he looked like a monster. He had gray skin and scars on his face and head where his hair is supposed to be. He had large black eyes, Ben."

"It wasn't real Rey, there was no monster," he told her.

"He said that I needed to go with him, that I needed to start my training."

The boy's eyes flew open and his entire body tensed. He pulls her closer to him and holds her tighter.

"No one is going to take you, Rey," he promised.

They both closed their eyes and quietly drifted off to sleep.

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	6. Discoveries

Don't forget to comment and provide feedback! I hope all of you enjoy this chapter!

Chapter Text

This Is a Life That You Can't Deny Us Now

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, obviously.

Author Disclaimer: This is an AU Reylo centered story with mature themes.

Author's Note: I truly do appreciate constructive feedback please and thank you. To all the people who have given me feedback already, I truly do appreciate it. I love conversing with all of you, so please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or want to talk.

Chapter Six: Discoveries

Rey awoke the following morning feeling well rested, but uncomfortable. Whatever she had slept on was too soft, whatever it was, it certainly was not her usual sleeping arrangement in her AT-AT back on Jakku. She opened her eyes to find herself in an actual bed, black bedding covering her and providing her warmth. She raised her head to find Kylo Ren sitting at the table where they had eaten dinner together the previous evening, watching her movements. Rey scowled at him, realizing she actually had voluntarily left Jakku with him, that it had not all been just a bizarre dream.

Kylo smirked at her and teased, "I can see that a good night's sleep has done you well, you're right back to your usual contempt for me."

Rey clenched her jaw and averted her gaze from him. She could sense that he was still watching her, though, more than likely with that abhorrent smirk upon his wretched face. She continued to avoid his gaze, looking all around the room except at him. Silence passed between them long enough that Rey assumed that he had lost interest in goading her, but alas he decided to continue speaking.

"When you woke up just now, you assumed that everything that had transpired yesterday had all been a dream. Tell me, did you often dream of me while on Jakku?"

Rey's cheeks flushed a deep crimson, she knew Kylo did not miss this , she heard his amused laughter travel across the room. She threw his blanket off her in a huff and haughtily stomped to the fresher. Rey placed her forehead against the cool, metal wall of the room and inhaled deep breaths, attempting to calm herself. Her outbursts had her wondering if she had been around Kylo Ren far too long, that if his penchant for rage and violent tantrums were starting to wear off on her.

She heard him laugh even harder, she growled and slammed her fist against the wall. What she would not give to force slam him into the wall again, the memory of which made its way to her mind and brought a hint of a smile to her face. Apparently it made its way into Kylo's mind as well, because his laughter ceased. Good, she thought, serves him right for always entering her head without her permission. Suddenly, an image appeared in her head, of her placing a chaste kiss on the lips of Kylo Ren and begging him to stay with her. Rey's embarrassment intensified, she had actually done that. She had not only kissed her enemy the previous evening, after she had awoken from that horrible nightmare, but she had pleaded with him to stay with her, to share a bed with her, which he had no qualms doing. He had held her the rest of the night, she remembered the feeling of his breathing on her skin, how his body perfectly engulfed hers as he wrapped his arms around her petite frame. Rey didn't bother trying to think of something for him see, something that would upset him, he had won that round.

Rey went about her business in the fresher. She relieved herself and spent a considerable amount of time cleaning herself up. She washed her face with cold water, hoping that it would help rid the flush that tinged her cheeks. Despite being away from the humidity of Jakku, her hair stood up in multiple directions. She used her fingers to comb it out and wove it into a braid, mimicking the movements she had felt Kylo do to it the evening before. Rey stayed in the fresher longer than she needed to, using any excuse to stay in the room, in no hurry to face Kylo Ren. Finally, Rey worked up the nerve to leave the room and deal with the abhorrent man who worked her nerves. When she exited the room, Kylo Ren was still sitting at the table, but now there were two plates of food in front of him.

Kylo gestured towards the seat across from him and ordered, "Come eat. You are going to need plenty of energy today."

"Why's that?" Rey questioned, but sat down across of him nonetheless. She began to consume the warm bread and sweet fruit he offered, not even bothering to use the eating utensils. She picked up each piece with her hands and ate, licking the crumbs and juices from her fingers after each bite.

` Kylo rolled his eyes, but otherwise did not comment on her uncouth eating style and answered, "We are to begin your training today."

Rey did not respond, she had forgotten his condition that he teach her if she wished to learn more of her past. She struggled with the thought of him training her, she wanted to learn and no one else was volunteering to be her teacher, but she did not want him as her teacher either. Kylo Ren raised his eyebrow, annoyance apparent upon his face.

"You are unhappy that I am going to train you," he commented.

Rey could not argue with his statement, he was correct. How much of herself would she give him while he trained her, how many of her values would she lose to him in the process? She was not naive enough to believe Kylo Ren would train her only to release her to go back to the Resistance, to fight against him under the leadership of his mother. If she allowed Kylo Ren to train her she would be allowing him to mold her into something that was against everything she stood for. That was the agreement she had made though, she had to have realized this when she left Jakku with him, it was not like Kylo Ren had any other purpose for her except to turn her into an ideal apprentice to fight for his cause.

Kylo Ren's faced contorted into one of anger, "The way you lie to yourself, it disgusts me."

Rey was taken aback by his accusation, now she was angry, "I have not told myself a lie."

"No, Rey, you have told yourself many lies. The first being that I have no other purpose for you than to be my apprentice. I intend for you to become my apprentice, but we are both aware that is not my only intention for you."

Rey's cheeks were flushed again, she knew exactly what he was insinuating. She thought about the previous evening, after she had pulled apart from the kiss she initiated, he had attempted to kiss her again. She had almost allowed him to until his thoughts appeared to her, of their naked bodies tangled together in the sheets, passionately kissing. She refused to acknowledge that Kylo Ren wanted her in such a way, he had know her since she was an infant for goodness sake. They had been apart for many years though and they are no longer the children they once were. When the force bond between them was reignited, something had changed, feelings of adoration had evolved into something else, something much more intense and fervent. She refused to accept it though, she may not hate Kylo Ren, but she was just as sure she did not like him either.

"Another lie," he commented. Rey grit her teeth, she was through with him entering her head without permission. "Don't fool yourself Rey, I would not be able to so easily see your thoughts, to feel your emotions unless you wanted me to."

She ignored his implication and spat, "Since you know me so well Kylo, what else would you like to tell me about myself?"

Kylo grinned and replied, "You believe that I want to change you, to mold you into something you are not. I only wish to train you, to help you reach your full potential. You would not be able to do that without my help, even if Luke Skywalker had decided to make you his padawan."

Rey thought of her brief time on Ahch-to with Luke Skywalker, if he had accepted her, offered to train her to be a Jedi, would she have reached her full potential? Even though Luke had claimed he was her own father, he did not seem particularly fond of her. Would he have been an effective teacher for her? Rey was embarrassed, she had so easily believed he was her father. Fathers don't despise their own children, they have love and adoration for them, even after years apart. Even Han Solo had cared deeply for Kylo Ren, despite all the horrible things Kylo had done.

Kylo stood up from his chair and walked over to her, he crouched down in front of her and spoke, "You were right about one thing, Rey. I am not going to allow you to leave here, especially after I train you. I will not teach you in order for you to betray me and go to the Resistance so they can use you as a weapon against the First Order, against me. You think you understand everything, yet there is so much for you to learn." He raised his hand and stroked his fingers along her cheek, a look resembling sympathy in his eyes. He continued, "Make no mistake, what the Resistance is fighting for, what my own mother is, are the ideals of Luke Skywalker, a man who hates you Rey. Who has hated you before you were even born."

Rey looked away from him, her throat had tightened and there were unshed tears in the corner of her eyes. Kylo gently guided her head so that she was looking into his eyes, his expression was tender. He whispered to her, "I do not tell you this to cause you pain, Rey. I am telling you this because I care about you, more than anyone fighting for the Resistance ever could."

An image of Finn appeared in her mind, of her kissing his forehead and promising him that they would meet again. Would she be his enemy when they were finally reunited? Kylo's nostrils flared, he was not thrilled that she shared such an intimate memory with a man he considered to be a traitor. He gripped his fingers and in a sharp tone told her, "I care about you more than he ever could. He does not know you like I know you."

She scowled at him, "If you care for me as much as you claim, why did you leave me on Jakku for so long?"

His grip on her face loosened and he averted his gaze downward. Rey had no idea what caused this sudden change in his demeanor, he appeared to be ashamed. He released a heavy sigh and looked back up to her, "I was not completely honest with you, when I arrived on Jakku yesterday."

Of course he hadn't been, he had originally told her she had a choice of whether to leave with him or not. Then that evening, he revealed that he had not intention of allowing her to remain on Jakku. She did not interrupt him though, she allowed him to finish what he was saying, " I did go back for you, about two years after I had left you there. I arrived and could not feel you, through our bond that we shared. I left thinking you were not there anymore. I never considered that you could still be there, that something must have happened to our force bond. I believe that something happened to you on Jakku. Something that caused you to not only lose your memories but to sever our bond for so many years."

Rey considered what Kylo was saying, he had returned to Jakku for her all those years ago. He had withheld that information from her because he had been so ashamed that he had not located her when he returned, that he had obviously not searched thoroughly enough for her. She was not angry with him, though, he had been so used to having this bond that he could not have fathomed that something had broken it. She pitied him, it was obvious that he felt guilty for leaving her on Jakku all those years, even if it was not intentional. Rey wrapped her arms around his neck and placed her head in the crook of his neck. He had not been expecting this reaction from her, it took him a moment to lift his own arms and return her embrace.

"I think you're right Kylo," she admitted.

"What about?" he questioned, not sure which part of their conversation she was referring.

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes, "I think you're correct to assume that something must have happened to me on Jakku. Something must have caused my memory loss, that broke our connection. I have no idea what though, I cannot remember."

He nodded his head and considered her words. He stayed crouched in front of her for some time, not speaking, the pensive look on his face told her he was giving great thought to what she had said. He mulled over it until his face lit up in realization, optimistically he asked her, "Can you trust me, Rey?"

It was a loaded question, one Rey could not immediately answer. She considered what he was asking, did she trust him? This man that had done such horrible things, but also cared about her in a way no one else ever had. Even with his moments of deceit, he had still been more honest with her than Luke Skywalker had. He had given her more answers to who she is in the past day than anyone had in the last fifteen years. Could she really trust him?

"Yes, yes I can trust you Kylo," she conceded. Kylo smiled at her and stood up from where he had been crouching in front of her, he held his hand out for her to take. She placed her hand in his and he pulled her up from the seat and led her over to the bed.

"Lie down," he instructed. She didn't question him, she got onto the bed and stretched out on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. He got on the other side and settled himself in next to her. He was turned on his side, facing her, his head propped up by his arm. When she was as relaxed as she was ever going to get on the bed that was still too soft, he told her to close her eyes. She raised an eyebrow at him, not sure where he planned to go with all of this. He chuckled and said, "I meant what I said last night, when it comes to that, we will play it your way for the time being, now shut your eyes."

Rey obeyed his request and closed her eyes. The deprivation of sight caused her to become more attuned to her other senses. She felt the bed shift slightly, then almost jumped when she felt Kylo's breath on her ear as he spoke, "I don't want this to hurt, but I can't promise that it won't cause you some discomfort. The best thing you can do is try to remain as calm and relaxed as possible."

She felt Kylo Ren enter her mind and start pushing his way through her mental defenses like he had when he had when he interrogated her. She resisted the urge to fight, to push him out of her mind that she had done when he was attempting to retrieve the map to Luke Skywalker from her. She reminded herself that she was doing this to help her, so they could find out why she had lost all her memories of her childhood, all her memories of him. He pushed through her memories, ones of her holding her stomach, trying not to cry out in pain from the lack of rations. Ones of her scavenging for hours in the blazing heat, her fingers raw and bleeding from continued use. He continued on, going further, each one he came upon she became younger and younger. Finally, he found one, a memory that she had somehow repressed, that she had no immediate recollection of.

There she was, about six years old and standing uneasily in front of Unkar Plutt. She was wearing the same outfit that Kylo Ren had left her there in, except now it was filthy and had holes in it. She was thinner than when he had left her, Rey could she her own ribcage prominent through the holes in the tunic. She stood on her tiptoes to receive the pitiful portion Unkar Plutt was offering her for her day's worth of scavenging.

"It's not worth more?" she timidly asked.

"Bring me better quality pieces and you will receive more," Unkar Plutt sneered down at her.

Young Rey stomped away from the counter, trying her best not to cry. She started the grueling walk back to where she stayed when she was not scavenging, a walk that had caused countless blisters to her small feet. She passed a large abandoned ship, she almost paid no mind to it, but she was blinded by a light. She looked up and something shiny caught her attention, something that could be worth more portions. Whatever the item was, it was located high up in one of the engine intakes. Young Rey looked around, trying to figure out a strategy to climb up and obtain the item. She finally thought of something, Rey watched as the young version of her started to pull herself up the side of the engine intake. Her younger self only made it so far before she tried to stretch her small arm out to reach the object. She was just a little bit short, her fingertips grazed the item, but could not quite grasp it. She continued to try for it though, straining to reach the item. She was finally able to elongate herself enough to grab the item, but before she could pull it down she lost her footing between the crack and fell screaming to the bottom of the engine intake. Her younger self hit the ground hard, her head smashed against the metal floor and created a horrible sound that echoed. The fall knocked her nonconscious, there was a large wound on her head that was bleeding. Her younger self remained in the same spot unconscious for hours, if the young girl wasn't herself then she would have sworn that the girl had been killed by the fall. Finally, her younger self woke up, hysterical from the throbbing pain in her head and terrified because she had no idea where she was or how she got there. All she remembered was that her name was Rey and she was a scavenger on Jakku.

Rey felt Kylo left her mind, she opened her eyes and looked up at him. She gave him a small smile and said, "At least we know what happened now."

Kylo gave her a curt nod but did not respond. She sat up and reached out to him, concerned as to why he was so upset. He grabbed her hand and pressed his lips against the back of it. He brushed off her worry and replied, "I'm alright. Come, we are running behind and need to begin your training."

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